I often forget that, even to this day, there is no explanation for life. Top scientists don’t even know why we’re here or how we even got here. Was it the big bang that formed the earth? Were humans formed through evolution? Did Adam and Eve exist? I honestly have no idea, and just thinking about it gets my head in a bit of tizzle.
I sometimes get caught up in what I think life is, and live that way because that’s what I’m supposed to believe is expected of me. Then sometimes I have this weird realisation that it genuinely IS possible to live the way we want to. We’re told that you’re supposed to go to school, sit exams, pass them, go to college, go to uni, get a job, get married, have kids, grow old, have grandkids, die. It’s just the process of life that we’re all lead to believe at some point, and I also think it’s something that’s drummed into us from starting school at four years old.
I wonder sometimes whether our life has no meaning, and if we are supposed to put the meaning into it. And if that’s true then we really can do whatever we want because it’s our life to make mistakes and to live exactly how we want to live it. I know some people might be reading this and thinking I’ve lost the plot a little bit, and perhaps I have, but I’m so glad that I lost it because otherwise I’d be living that process that I described above and just thinking about that makes my stomach turn with dread.
Of course growing old and having children is something everyone wants at some point in their life but we shouldn’t be living our lives preparing for that day because growing old is something that just happens to you, there’s no exam to pass or studying required to get there because it’s inevitable. It’s a part of life but it’s definitely not the meaning.
Although growing old is such a privelidge we’re also made to fear it. I remember freaking out that I was going to be 20 next year, like seriously, how stupid is that? I’m not even 19 yet! I think it’s because 20 is the age we’re supposed to get “serious” and that imaturity and childlike behaviour is expected to stop. We can’t make mistakes because we have a future we need to be preparing for. We’re “grown up” and whether we want to be or not, we’re definitely treated that way.
Theres no way my Mum can come into the dentist with me because I’m 20, I can’t freak out on a plane when it starts jumping around in the sky, and I can’t admit that “I have no idea what I want to do with my life” to anyone without sounding like some idiot who’s trying to avoid grown up things. It’s ridiculous.
I hate the saying “You work to live, not live to work.” It’s like this “work” thing is supposed to be a really bad thing when it doesn’t have to be. I don’t have to get a boring job to pay the bills because fortunately I don’t have any to pay yet and I’m not going to waste my youth saving up for stupid things like that just yet. I have all this time left before I need to get “serious” (and thats IF I have to get serious in the first place), and why not use that time to achieve the things I want, so that I never wake up in the morning dreading going to work because my career is not work, it’ll be my hobby and my passion rather than something to please society.
Don’t be fooled into locking yourself onto societies path because your path is much more adventurous. Yes, theirs may be secure and organised but it’s also boring and judgemental. Everyone should be able to take risks, make mistakes, and have a good time without feeling anxious about where it will lead or what other people will think. I just need to remind myself that the path I’m on goes on and on and on, just because I make a mistake it doesn’t make my path stop. That’s what’s important, not the things like exam results and how much money you earn, it’s the reliability of your own path. It’ll be waiting ahead of you forever and no matter which direction you go it’ll still be there plotting up new possibilities. Life isn’t a case of winning or losing, it’s a case of living.
I love this extract from Paper Towns by John Green: “Did you know that for pretty much the entire history of the human species, the average life span was less than thirty years? You could count on ten years or so of real adulthood, right? There was no planning for retirement. There was no planning for a career. There was no planning. No time for planning. No time for a future. But then the life span started getting longer, and people started having more and more future, and so they spent more time thinking about it. About the future. And now life has become the future – you go to high school so you can go to college so you can get a good job so you can get a nice house so you can afford to send your kids to college so they can get a good job so they can get a nice house so they can afford to send their kids to college.”
It’s time to stop planning and instead taking the route of your own path. It can never go wrong, even if at times it feels that way, you’ll always end up with new possibilities and adventures no matter which way you turn – and you’ll always be going forward, you’ll never just stop.
I think it’s important to live the life you want to live – don’t let other peoples judgements affect that. Since when did life get so serious? And since when did I start to let societies expectations bother me? It’s my life and I can choose to do what I want with it. Just like everyone else in this world has that same choice.
Did any of that make sense?